i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
