Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
