you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
