im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
