Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
