Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
