We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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