he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
