Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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