Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want nice things and good sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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