i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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