oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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