I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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