All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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