I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
