you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
