it hurts more in the daytime
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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