can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
