Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
