dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Please don't give away my fajitas
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
