I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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