woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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