Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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