Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
