I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
