this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
