I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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