So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
