Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
