Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
