I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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