This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
