She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
