I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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