i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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