So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize