in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize