it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
