One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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