Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
did i just pee glitter
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
