I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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