i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
