never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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