im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
