I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
