Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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