i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
