Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
