I hate your face
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
