Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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