I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize