Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize