make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
