I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
