Me too!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize