and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its not stalking. its research.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
