i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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