connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
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