When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
