my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
