They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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