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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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• (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

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• (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

  (347): View more from New York

  he is a god among men.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.

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• (858): View more from California

  someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..

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• (415): View more from California

  While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.

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• (347): View more from New York

  Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  my nose is crying tears of wow.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog

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• (650): View more from California

  I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity

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