so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
