he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
