I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize