I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
