the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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