dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
