All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize