so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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