I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
