Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
