Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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