That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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