He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
