I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
